A response to: “Malia Obama Sends Acceptance Letter To Harvard | Above Average”


What a novel idea! Malia sends her acceptance letter to Harvard! Alas, this is just a satire but imagine if it were true. What if it didn’t have to be the way it has always been? What if the millenials selected the college instead of the other way around?

Imagine it would go a little like this:


Hello future alum (because here at our school, we’ve already added you to our list of esteemed graduates):

We have arranged for your arrival to visit our school. A private driver will meet you at your home and drive you to our campus. Don’t worry, your chauffeured drive includes wi-fi, snacks, and a gourmet lunch.

Upon arrival, we have arranged our best students to give you a tour around campus. At any point, feel free to opt out and ask about their favorite hang out spots.

We have also arranged for you to sit in on some of our most challenging courses with our world renowned professors. We have also arranged a workout with our top athletes in their training facility.

We’ve chosen this particular weekend to have you visit because your favorite recording artist (we checked your Facebook) will be on campus and we have reserved front row tickets for you.

You may be wondering where you will be staying and the fraternities battled it out with an intense game of rock, paper, scissors, and Beta Phi Beta won out! You will be staying in their house and from what we understand, they have a very insane enriching party kegger rave social event planned for you.

We do hope that you will enjoy your visit and select us as your new home for the next four to five years. We have included a list of our top awards, recommendations from our most distinguished alumni, our GPA amongst the top college rankings, anonymous survey results regarding our dining choices, a map of the college town, a personal letter and autographed photo from the college President, and an essay of why we are the school for y-o-u.


Your Future Choice

P.S. We’ve included a check for your tuition for the next four years. Please also accept this small token of appreciation in the way of a monthly stipend. When you are here, you are family. We don’t let family go hungry, without a car, and without new clothes and accessories.


Ahhhh… millenials can only dream. This is that better future we wish for our kids. Can you imagine what the alumni donations would look like if they didn’t leave their alma maters broke and in financial despair? I would be more than willing to pay for another student to attend school than to pay a loan company. Let’s all try the pay-it-forward method here.

Heavily recruited,